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Let these funny Acclaimed Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness
of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed.
- Albert Einstein
Humility must always be the portion of any man
who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers
and the sacrifices of his friends.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A leader is best when people barely know he exists,
not so good when people obey and acclaim him,
worst when they despise him.
But of a good leader, who talks little,
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say, "We did this ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
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I feel coming on a strange disease - humility.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Real excellence and humility are
not incompatible one with the other,
on the contrary they are twin sisters.
- Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
We come nearest to the great
when we are great in humility.
- Rabindranath Tagore
I claim to be a simple individual liable
to err like any other fellow mortal.
I own, however, that I have humility enough
to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Humility is not thinking less of yourself,
it's thinking of yourself less.
- Rick Warren (author of The Purpose Driven(R) Life)
Life is a long lesson in humility.
- James M. Barrie
And when our baby stirs and struggles to be born
it compels humility: what we began is now its own.
- Margaret Mead
I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Anonymous
Is it bigger than breadbox?
- the early television show Twenty Questions
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein
Self-pity in its early stages
is as snug as a feather mattress.
Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
- Maya Angelou
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Early to bed and early to rise,
makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
- Benjamin Franklin
An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.
- Henry David Thoreau
Drop guilt! - because to be guilty is to live in hell.
Not being guilty, you will have the freshness
of dewdrops in the early morning sun,
you will have the freshness of lotus petals in the lake,
you will have the freshness of the stars in the night.
Once guilt disappears you will have
a totally different kind of life, luminous and radiant.
You will have a dance to your feet
and your heart will be singing a thousand and one songs.
- Osho
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Hold on with a bulldog grip,
and chew and choke as much as possible.
- Abraham Lincoln
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
- Mo Udall
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy
I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
You have to be a bastard to make it, and that's a fact.
And the Beatles are the biggest bastards on earth.
- John Lennon
Fly Life on Free Wings, and Sing to its Glory.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.