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Funny Absolutely Quotes
Funny Quotes about Absolutely

Let these funny Absolutely Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead

I don't doubt God. I have firm faith absolutely in God.
It's religion I'm doubting.
- Bono

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill

The WORK
1.Is it true?
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.How do you react when you think that thought?
4.Who would you be without the thought?
- Byron Katie


 

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone
who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson

If you are absolutely without mind,
just pure consciousness,
time stops completely,
disappears,
leaving no trace behind.
- Osho

If humanity does not opt for integrity we are through completely.
It is absolutely touch and go.
Each one of us could make the difference.
- R. Buckminster Fuller


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Listen to all, plucking a feather
from every passing goose,
but, follow no one absolutely.
- Chinese Proverb

Nothing is ever absolutely "wrong."
"Wrong" is in the cultural tradition of the beholder.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only way to deal with an unfree world
is to become so absolutely free
that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
- Albert Camus

Inside most people there's a feeling of being separate,
separated from everything ... And they're not.
They're part of absolutely everyone, and everything.
- the movie Powder

Know first that you have absolutely no power to change the world,
and then address all your energies and intent toward improving it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is danger that we lose sight of
what our friend is absolutely,
while considering what she is to us alone.
- Henry David Thoreau

Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius
and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous
than absolutely boring.
- Marilyn Monroe

We do not grow absolutely, chronologically.
We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another, unevenly.
We grow partially. We are relative.
We are mature in one realm, childish in another.
- Anais Nin

We should meet abuse by forbearance.
Human nature is so constituted that
if we take absolutely no notice of anger or abuse,
the person indulging in it will soon weary of it and stop.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Most everything in life is about our
point-of-view rather than any absolute.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Shallow understanding from people of good will
is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding
from people of ill will.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

We will bankrupt ourselves in
the vain search for absolute security.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

There comes a pause, for human strength will not endure
to dance without cessation;
and everyone must reach the point at length of absolute prostration.
- Lewis Carroll

We cannot possibly let ourselves get frozen into regarding
everyone we do not know as an absolute stranger.
- Albert Schweitzer

Once you have seen the truth
you must make the decision to let go
of the pain, anger, and resentment you have been holding on to.
This requires you to take action.
If you are attached to your pain, resentment,
and self-righteousness, and addicted to your emotional reactions,
this will be a difficult step for you.
Taking action requires letting go of the very thing
you have been holding on to for so many years.
There is comfort in what we find familiar,
even if we are experiencing pain and suffering.
The pain and suffering itself becomes the familiarity we seek.
It takes absolute faith in yourself
plus courage, will, and discipline to let go.
But once you let go, it will be as if
the weight of the world has been taken off your shoulders.
In this process it is important to forgive
not just the others in our lives, but also ourselves.
For most people, giving ourselves
the gift of forgiveness is very challenging.
- Sheri Rosenthal

This overcoming of all the usual barriers
between the individual and the Absolute
is the great mystic achievement.
In mystic states we both become one with the Absolute
and we become aware of our oneness.
This is the everlasting and triumphant mystical tradition,
hardly altered by differences of clime or creed.
- William James

The Four Stages of Public Opinion
I (Just after publication): The novelty is absurd
and subversive of Religion and Morality.
The propounder both fool and knave.
II (Twenty years later): The Novelty is absolute Truth
and will yield a full and satisfactory
explanation of things in general -
The propounder a man of sublime genius and perfect virtue.
III (Forty years later): The Novelty won't explain
things in general after all, and therefore is a wretched failure.
The propounder a very ordinary person advertised by a clique.
IV (A century later): The Novelty a mixture of truth and error.
Explains as much as could reasonably be expected.
The propounder worthy of all honor
in spite of his share of human frailties,
as one who has added to the permanent possessions of science.
- Thomas Henry [T. H.] Huxley

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain

If you are out to describe the truth,
leave elegance to the tailor.
- Albert Einstein

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.
- Stephanie Klein

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

Truth is a tendency.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Truth is stranger than fiction,
but that is because Fiction is obliged
to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
- Mark Twain

Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

The rarest quality in an epitaph is truth.
- Henry David Thoreau

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
- Will Rogers

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks

Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz

The words of truth are always paradoxical.
- Lao Tzu

The water in a vessel is sparkling;
the water in the sea is dark.
The small truth has words which are clear;
the great truth has great silence.
- Rabindranath Tagore

The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde

The goal of education is the advancement of knowledge
and the dissemination of truth.
- John F. Kennedy

We are not afraid to follow truth
wherever it may lead,
nor to tolerate any error
so long as reason is left free to combat it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
- Harry S. Truman

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
- Khalil Gibran

Our actions are constrained by fear of reprisal,
but our dreams reveal our true character.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's
most effective criticism until you provoke him.
Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.
- Henry David Thoreau

A man must be both stupid and uncharitable
who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side.
- Joseph Addison

We take refuge in pride,
because we are afraid to tell the truth to ourselves.
- Kakuzo Okakura

Every mind must make its choice
between truth and repose.
It cannot have both.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

An error does not become truth
by reason of multiplied propagation,
nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A lie travels round the world while
truth is putting her boots on.
- French Proverb
(also attributed to Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, and others)

The search for truth is more precious than its possession.
- Albert Einstein

The pursuit of truth does not permit violence on one's opponent.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Morality is the basis of things
and truth is the substance of all morality.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Truth stands, even if there be no public support.
It is self-sustained.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Dispassionate objectivity is itself a passion,
for the real and for the truth.
- Abraham Maslow

Truth has no special time of its own.
Its hour is now - always.
- Albert Schweitzer


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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