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Funny Absent Quotes
Funny Quotes about Absent

Let these funny Absent Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
- Osho

I am the owner of my choices.
I am the source for the perspectives I choose to hold...
regardless of how aware I am of why or how I come to possess
that particular perspective.
It takes courage to look into the mirror of our souls, absent excuses.
I will look into that mirror little bits at a time.
SEE and ACT. SEE what I can bear to see and ACT upon what I am able.
This is the heart of a gentle invitation to personal responsibility.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness.
- Zhuangzi


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Trust in the Light.
Darkness is not a force -
it is merely the absence of light.
Observe that when a light is brought to a dark place,
the darkness disappears.
Sadness is similar -
when joy is brought to suffering,
the sadness disappears.
Open yourself to the Light!
Hold back nothing,
Trust in the Light.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect
and the absence of ego.
Love yourself.
Love everyone around you.
Love everyone in the whole world.
Know that your own life is of infinite importance,
as is every other life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness blooms
in the presence of self-respect,
and the absence of ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear,
but the triumph over it.
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,
but he who conquers that fear.
- Nelson Mandela

Love is the absence of judgment.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.
- Benjamin Franklin

Courage is not the absence of fear,
but rather the judgement that something else
is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon

Today I offer a prayer of forgiveness:
forgive the pettiness of my ingratitude...
the absence of profound thankfulness.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Sadness is nothing more than the absence of joy
in the same way that darkness
is nothing more than the absence of light.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Absence does not make the heart grow fonder,
but it sure heats up the blood.
- Elizabeth Ashley

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
- Thomas Haynes Bayly

If what Proust says is true,
that happiness is the absence of fever,
then I will never know happiness.
For I am possessed by a fever
for knowledge, experience, and creation.
- Anais Nin

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
- Mark Twain

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones,
as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
- Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Know that darkness is merely the absence of light.
You can be the small candle that defeats the vast darkness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is the total absence of fear.
Love asks no questions.
Its natural state is one of extension and expansion,
not comparison and measurement.
- Gerald Jampolsky

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran

Happiness is not the absence of problems,
but the willingness to deal with them joyfully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Security is not the absence of danger,
but the presence of God,
no matter what the danger.
- Anonymous

When all is said and done,
the one sole condition that makes
spiritual happiness and preserves it
is the absence of doubt.
- Mark Twain

A happy life consists not in the absence,
but in the mastery of hardships.
- Helen Keller

Although the world is full of suffering,
it is full also of the overcoming of it.
My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil,
but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good
and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good,
that it may prevail.
- Helen Keller

Darkness is not a force -
it is merely the absence of light.
Observe that when a light
is brought to a dark place,
the darkness disappears.
Sadness is similar -
when joy is brought to suffering,
the sadness disappears.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you are alone you are not alone,
you are simply lonely -
and there is a tremendous difference
between loneliness and aloneness.
When you are lonely you are thinking of the other,
you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state.
You are feeling that it would have been
better if the other were there -
your friend, your wife, your mother,
your beloved, your husband.
It would have been good if the other
were there, but the other is not.
Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself.
Aloneness is very positive.
It is a presence, overflowing presence.
You are so full of presence
that you can fill the whole universe
with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
- Osho

The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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