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Your friends love you anyway.
- Dave Barry
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
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A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry
When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry
You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Choose to soar. Choose to fly your dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't die with your music still inside you.
Listen to your intuitive inner voice
and find what passion stirs your soul.
- Wayne Dyer
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Vengeance: "It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
As you awaken,
may your dreams greet you by name,
and may you answer, "Yes!"
- Mary Anne Radmacher
This is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder
Thank you for visiting: Your friends love you anyway. ... by Dave Barry.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.