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You can observe a lot by just watching. ...
by Yogi Berra

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

The future ain't what it used to be.
- Yogi Berra

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
- Yogi Berra


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If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

It's like deja-vu, all over again.
- Yogi Berra


 

It was impossible to get a conversation going,
everybody was talking too much.
- Yogi Berra

It ain't over till it's over.
- Yogi Berra

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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