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You are never given a wish without also
being given the power to make it true.
You may have to work for it, however.
- Richard Bach
The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach 
Don't be dismayed by good-byes.
A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.
- Richard Bach
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
- Richard Bach
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Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't.
- Richard Bach
If you love something, set it free;
if it comes back it's yours,
if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach
Can miles truly separate us from friends?
If we want to be with someone we love, aren't we already there?
- Richard Bach
What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,
the master calls a butterfly.
- Richard Bach
That's what learning is, after all;
not whether we lose the game,
but how we lose and h
ow we've changed because of it
and what we take away from it
that we never had before,
to apply to other games.
Losing, in a curious way, is winning.
- Richard Bach
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.