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All you need is love.
by Charles M. Schulz

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz PHOTO

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts


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I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts


 

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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