Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be. ...
by Yogi Berra

If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
- Yogi Berra

The future ain't what it used to be.
- Yogi Berra

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


It ain't over till it's over.
- Yogi Berra

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra

It's like deja-vu, all over again.
- Yogi Berra


 

It was impossible to get a conversation going,
everybody was talking too much.
- Yogi Berra

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
- Albert Einstein

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Let there be peace on earth.
And let it begin with me.
- Jill Jackson Miller

The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We must become the change we wish to see in the world.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll

The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain

Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy,
that the world owes the world more than the world can pay.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

The hope of a secure and livable world
lies with disciplined nonconformists
who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Say NO to the demands of the world.
Say YES to the longings of your own heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Distance does not decide who is your brother and who is not.
- Bono

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

By letting it go it all gets done.
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try.
The world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am not the same having seen the moon shine
on the other side of the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If we cannot now end our differences,
at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
- John F. Kennedy

The cleansing fire of Spirit
consumes the troubles of this world.
Feed your concerns to the fire.
Breathe deeply and rejoice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde

Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Choose the World You See,
and See the World You Choose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today is a day to honor other cultures.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell

A Single Generosity Enlarges the World.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I say NO to the demands of the world.
I say YES to the longings of my own heart.
There is nothing I ever need to have.
There is nothing I ever need to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Self-pity is our worst enemy
and if we yield to it,
we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller

An individual has not started living
until he can rise above the narrow confines
of his individualistic concerns
to the broader concerns of all humanity.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

It is easier to put on slippers
than to carpet the entire world
- Al Franken

Relax. Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We live in a wonderful world that is
full of beauty, charm and adventure.
There is no end to the adventures that we can have
if only we seek them with our eyes open.
- Jawaharlal Nehru

I'd rather see the world from another angle
- Jewel

We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller

We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.
- Margaret Mead

When you lose touch with yourself,
you lose yourself in the world.
- Eckhart Tolle


Thank you for visiting: If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be. ... by Yogi Berra.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.