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Funny Quotes about Life
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The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
by Charles M. Schulz

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz PHOTO

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic


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Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz

No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts


 

Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Big sisters are the crabgrass in the lawn of life.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts cartoon

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell

I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen

Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton

Simple living is the way to happy living.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell

Anger? perhaps there is a better way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

May flowers always line your path and sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.
- Irish Blessing

When you dance, your purpose is not to get
to a certain place on the floor.
It's to enjoy each step along the way.
- Wayne Dyer

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains,
but to live in a way that respects
and enhances the freedom of others.
- Nelson Mandela

I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel

Remember that life is an ADVENTURE, and cheer Whee...
all the way down the slippery razor-blade of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry

The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker

There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw

Humans are allergic to change.
They love to say, "We've always done it this way."
- Grace Hopper

Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie

The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard

All religions must be tolerated...
for every man must get to heaven in his own way.
- Epictetus

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.
Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow.
Let reality be reality.
Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
- Lao Tzu

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau

There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

When ordinary life shackles me,
I escape, one way or another. No more walls.
- Anais Nin


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.