Facebook share Tweet This Email this
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Children, cartoon animals, comedians,
and space aliens can get away with saying
what the rest of us are afraid is true,
but are embarrassed to talk about.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
- Walt Disney
True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
This above all, to thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare
I don't care what anybody says about me
as long as it isn't true.
- Truman Capote
True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo
There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.
- Leonardo da Vinci
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
You do not need anyone's permission to be your true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True love is a process of co-creation
in which neither feels ownership or superiority.
Jealousy is a highly destructive force
for love and relationships.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not need anyone's permission to be my true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True friendship is never serene.
- Marquise de Sevigne
Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true.
- Francis Bacon
I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The secret of making dreams come true
can be summarized in four C's.
They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy;
and the greatest of these is Confidence.
- Walt Disney
Your inner thoughts reveal your true nature.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The course of true love never did run smooth.
- William Shakespeare
If I try to be like him, who will be like me?
- Yiddish proverb
True Love burns the brightest,
But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.
- Anonymous
Those who realize their folly are not true fools.
- Zhuangzi
The WORK
1.Is it true?
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.How do you react when you think that thought?
4.Who would you be without the thought?
- Byron Katie
For those of true faith, death is not a time to mourn,
but a time to celebrate returning to the Creator.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
True friendship is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
- Charles Caleb Colton
The most telling act of true Faith
is celebrating the death of a loved one
with the certain knowledge that
they are now in a better place.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The True Surprise is that
So Many of Us have Evolved So Rapidly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.
- Lao Tzu
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin -
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"To know" is to know that you know nothing.
That is the meaning of true knowledge.
- Confucius
We seek opinions that are likely to
support what we want to be true.
- Thomas Gilovich
In true friendship, one can express
anything and everything without feeling ashamed
or afraid of being rejected.
- Aparna Chatterjee
Thank you for visiting: If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, by George Carlin.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.