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Pie, pie, pie.
- Michael (1996)
- the movie Michael (1996)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) 
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Anger spells dANGER.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Everyone who got where he is,
had to begin where he was.
- Richard L. Evans
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln
Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder
If you are out to describe the truth,
leave elegance to the tailor.
- Albert Einstein
I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Chanting OM is sort of like MOOing backward.
- Anonymous
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
Truth is a tendency.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
If you want to make enemies,
try to change something.
- Woodrow Wilson
All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
A bank is a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and remove all doubt.
- sometimes attributed to Mark Twain, Abraham Lincoln, or Samuel Johnson
I always avoid prophesying beforehand,
because it is a much better policy to prophesy
after the event has already taken place.
- Winston Churchill
Nothing is as good for the soul as a marshmallow roast.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun.
- Katharine Hepburn
I don't care what anybody says about me
as long as it isn't true.
- Truman Capote
God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am a self-centered spoiled-rotten brat,
Thank you for nurturing me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
I'm saving that rocker for the day
when I feel as old as I really am.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
- Mae West
I cannot pretend to be impartial about the colors.
I rejoice with the brilliant ones, and
am genuinely sorry for the poor browns.
- Winston Churchill
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Hero needed - apply now -
open minded independent thinker -
courage preferred.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
It's like deja-vu, all over again.
- Yogi Berra
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.