Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


One can never speak enough of the virtues,
by Francoise Sagan

One can never speak enough of the virtues,
the dangers, the power of shared laughter.
- Francoise Sagan

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain


 

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide


Thank you for visiting: One can never speak enough of the virtues, by Francoise Sagan.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.