Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults,
by Laurence J. Peter

Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults,
but if he has faults how can he be perfect?
- Laurence J. Peter

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
- Laurence J. Peter

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you
hear but forgetting where you heard it.
- Laurence J. Peter

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter


 

Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
- Laurence J. Peter

Facts are stubborn things,
but statistics are more pliable.
- Laurence J. Peter


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
- Laurence J. Peter

Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
- Laurence J. Peter

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made
a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
- Laurence J. Peter

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why
the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
- Laurence J. Peter

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not
yet reached their level of incompetence.
- Laurence J. Peter

A man convinced against his will is not convinced.
- Laurence J. Peter

A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.
- Laurence J. Peter

Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly
intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.
- Laurence J. Peter

Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.
- Laurence J. Peter

Slump, and the world slumps with you.
Push, and you push alone.
- Laurence J. Peter

When in doubt or danger, run in circles,
scream and shout.
- Laurence J. Peter

Democracy is a process by which people are free to
choose the man who will get the blame.
- Laurence J. Peter

Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time
when the quo has lost its status.
- Laurence J. Peter

Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses,
is in the eye of the beholder.
- Laurence J. Peter

A censor is an expert in cutting remarks.
A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
- Laurence J. Peter

The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure.
- Laurence J. Peter

Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
- Laurence J. Peter

A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
- Laurence J. Peter

You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
Don't let yourself indulge in vain wishes.
- Laurence J. Peter

As a matter of fact is an expression that precedes
many an expression that isn't.
- Laurence J. Peter

The great question is not whether you have failed,
but whether you are content with failure.
- Laurence J. Peter

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind,
what is the significance of a clean desk?
- Laurence J. Peter

Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell,
and advertise.
- Laurence J. Peter

Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees
have to be appointed to do the work.
- Laurence J. Peter

There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it,
and the rest of us.
- Laurence J. Peter

America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.
- Laurence J. Peter

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable
force to an immovable object.
- Laurence J. Peter

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will
establish a reputation as an expert.
- Laurence J. Peter

It's better to have loved and lost than to have to
do forty pounds of laundry a week.
- Laurence J. Peter

America is a country that doesn't know where it is
going but is determined to set a speed record getting there.
- Laurence J. Peter

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing
our parents' shortcomings.
- Laurence J. Peter

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
- Laurence J. Peter

Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before
Father Time takes it away.
- Laurence J. Peter

Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian
than going to the garage makes you a car.
- Laurence J. Peter

Men now monopolize the upper levels...
depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.
- Laurence J. Peter

Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
- Laurence J. Peter

An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart
he would have been not to have taken it.
- Laurence J. Peter

The seaman tells stories of winds, the ploughman of bulls;
the soldier details his wounds,
the shepherd his sheep.
- Laurence J. Peter

If you don't know where you're going,
you will probably end up somewhere else.
- Laurence J. Peter

In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
- Laurence J. Peter

Where large sums of money are concerned,
it is advisable to trust nobody.
- Agatha Christie

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can't stop the music, nobody can stop the music.
- Village People

Nobody, as long as he moves about
among the chaotic currents of life,
is without trouble.
- Carl Jung

I have a great deal of company in the house,
especially in the morning when nobody calls.
- Henry David Thoreau

One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.
- Mother Teresa

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
- Satchel Paige

Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.
- Carl Sandburg

Existence needs you.
Without you, something will be missing
in existence and nobody can replace it.
Thats what gives you dignity,
that the whole existence will miss you.
- Osho

Nobody roots for Goliath.
- Wilt Chamberlain

A man who trusts nobody is apt to be the kind of man nobody trusts.
- Harold MacMillan

I realized my family was funny, because nobody ever
wanted to leave our house.
- Anthony Anderson

Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens
we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.
- Andre Gide

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Nobody ever gets to see what could have been.
- the 2010 movie Charlie St. Cloud

I grew up in a house where nobody had to tell me to
go to school every day and do my homework.
- Constance Baker Motley

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment
before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

My dreams were all my own; I accounted for them to nobody;
they were my refuge when annoyed -
my dearest pleasure when free.
- Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows.
- Aristotle Onassis


Thank you for visiting: Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, by Laurence J. Peter.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.