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What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple
by Russell Baker

What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple
of closets to most Americans,
yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow
trees and cockroaches right on the premises.
- Russell Baker

When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible -
cowards and fools.
- Russell Baker

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you,
or they may do it.
- Russell Baker

Reporters thrive on the world's misfortune.
For this reason they often take an indecent pleasure
in events that dismay the rest of humanity.
- Russell Baker


 

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.
- Russell Baker

An educated person is one who has learned that information
almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false,
misleading, fictitious, mendacious -
just dead wrong.
- Russell Baker

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically
into three major categories;
those that don't work,
those that break down and those that get lost.
- Russell Baker


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Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse
that progress requires them are not really progress at all,
but just terrible things.
- Russell Baker

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot
of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
- Russell Baker

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately?
I say that what we really need is a car that can be
shot when it breaks down.
- Russell Baker

I gave up on new poetry myself 30 years ago when most
of it began to read like coded messages passing between
lonely aliens in a hostile world.
- Russell Baker

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other
tourists recognize you as a tourist.
- Russell Baker

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself,
confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission
of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.
- Russell Baker

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man
and ultimately defeat him.
- Russell Baker

Misery no longer loves company.
Nowadays it insists on it.
- Russell Baker

You can't enjoy light verse with a heavy heart.
- Russell Baker

Americans like fat books and thin women.
- Russell Baker

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong,
fortunately.
- Russell Baker

Anticipating that most poetry will be worse than carrying
heavy luggage through O'Hare Airport,
the public, to its loss, reads very little of it.
- Russell Baker

Children rarely want to know who their parents were
before they were parents,
and when age finally stirs their curiosity,
there is no parent left to tell them.
- Russell Baker

In America, it is sport that is the opiate of the masses.
- Russell Baker

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.
- Russell Baker

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer,
and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that
I would never be fit for real work,
and that writing didn't require any.
- Russell Baker

Live by publicity, you'll probably die by publicity.
- Russell Baker

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever
enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.
- Russell Baker

Caution: These verses may be hazardous to your solemnity.
- Russell Baker

A group of politicians deciding to dump a President
because his morals are bad is like the Mafia getting
together to bump off the Godfather for not going to church on Sunday.
- Russell Baker

Poetry is so vital to us until school spoils it.
- Russell Baker

Objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories:
those that don't work,
those that break down and those that get lost.
- Russell Baker

I have a new philosophy.
I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
- Charles M. Schulz

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Beware of all enterprises that require a new set of clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

Society is always taken by surprise
at any new example of common sense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

Another Sunrise, Another New Beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated,
let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he
does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
- Bill Cosby

Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
- Carl Bard

You cannot discover new oceans unless
you have the courage to lose site of the shore.
- Anonymous

Incite a riot of new ideas.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every generation laughs at the old fashions,
but follows religiously the new.
- Henry David Thoreau

What old people say you cannot do,
you try and find that you can.
Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau

In order to discover new lands,
one must be willing to lose sight
of the shore for a very long time.
- Anonymous

Nay, be a Columbus to whole new
continents and worlds within you,
opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.
- Henry David Thoreau

Old deeds for old people, and new deeds for new.
- Henry David Thoreau

Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor

A ship in port is safe,
but that's not what ships are built for.
Sail out to sea and do new things.
- Grace Hopper

Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Falling out of love is very enlightening.
For a short while you see the world with new eyes.
- Iris Murdoch

Man's mind, once stretched by a new idea,
never regains its original dimensions.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Be a Columbus to whole new continents and worlds within you,
opening new channels, not of trade, but of thought.
- Henry David Thoreau

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body
treats a strange protein; it rejects it.
- Peter Medawar

A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
- Jesus of Nazareth (John 13:34)


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.