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Marriage is a wonderful institution,
by H. L. Mencken

Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken


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Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

Life is a constant oscillation
between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
- H. L. Mencken

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken


 

The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

For every complex problem,
there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
- H.L. Mencken

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief
in the occurrence of the improbable.
- H. L. Mencken

Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.
- H. L. Mencken

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken

The believing mind is eternally impervious to evidence.
- H. L. Mencken

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed
(and hence clamorous to be led to safety)
by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins,
all of them imaginary.
- H. L. Mencken

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie.
I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave.
And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
- H.L. Mencken

We must respect the other fellow's religion,
but only in the sense and to the extent
that we respect his theory that
his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman

The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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