Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
by Clue

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill PHOTO

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer PHOTO


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous


 

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

Old age has deformities enough of its own.
It should never add to them the deformity of vice.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

If a man is proud of his wealth,
he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
- Socrates

Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye

Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel

Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind

You either do it completely and utterly,
or you should stop doing it.
- Bono (paraphrase)

Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

All major religious traditions
carry basically the same message,
that is love, compassion and forgiveness.
The important thing is they should
be part of our daily lives.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

I think, at a child's birth,
if a mother could ask a fairy godmother
to endow it with the most useful gift,
that gift should be curiosity.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Don't seek God in temples.
He is close to you.
He is within you.
Only you should surrender to Him
and you will rise above happiness and unhappiness.
- Leo Tolstoy

Form follows function - that has been misunderstood.
Form and function should be one, joined in a spiritual union.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I surrender to life as it is, not as it should be.
- Richard Carlson

Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is.
Treat a man as he can and should be,
and he will become as he can and should be.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The one serious conviction that a man should have
is that nothing should be taken too seriously.
- Nicholas Murray Butler

What people often mean by getting rid of conflict
is getting rid of diversity,
and it is of the utmost importance
that these should not be considered the same.
- M. P. Follett

Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air.
They are where they should be.
Now put the foundations under them.
- Henry David Thoreau

If the stars should appear
but one night every thousand years
how man would marvel and stare.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

How often I found where I should be going
only by setting out for somewhere else.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Every citizen should be a soldier.
This was the case with the Greeks and Romans,
and must be that of every free state.
- Thomas Jefferson

The school is the last expenditure upon which America
should be willing to economize.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

In wartime, truth is so precious that she
should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
- Winston Churchill

We should distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

The value of a man should be seen in what he gives
and not in what he is able to receive.
- Albert Einstein

We may have our private opinions
but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I was only the servant of my country and had I, at any moment,
failed to express her unflinching resolve to fight and conquer,
I should at once have been rightly cast aside.
- Winston Churchill

Everyone should be respected as an individual,
but no one idolized.
- Albert Einstein

Many people excuse their own faults
but judge other persons harshly.
We should reverse this attitude
by excusing others' shortcomings
and by harshly examining our own.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

The only way to store information is by agreement.
The belief system is like a Book of Law that rules our mind.
Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive.
Humans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
We have the need to be accepted and to be loved by others,
but we cannot accept and love ourselves.
- don Miguel Ruiz

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

NO ONE has been granted the authority to tell me
how my life should be lived.
I answer only to myself and to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Is it not enough to know the evil to shun it?
If not, we should be sincere enough to admit
that we love evil too well to give it up.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I soothe my conscience now with the thought that
it is better for hard words to be on paper
than that Mummy should carry them in her heart.
- Anne Frank

We should take care not to make the intellect our god;
it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
- Albert Einstein

You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry

You should never be content with so little,
when you can reach out for something big.
- Charles L. Allen
(This quote is about making a big difference
in the world - not about greed)

It is one thing to say that something should be done,
but quite a different matter to do it.
- Aesop

It is curious - curious that physical courage
should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare
- Mark Twain

To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.
- Abraham Lincoln

He who would pass his declining years with honor and comfort,
should, when young, consider that he may one day become old,
and remember when he is old, that he has once been young.
- Joseph Addison


Thank you for visiting: Husbands should be like Kleenex: by Clue.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.