Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


My father and he had one of those English friendships
by Jorge Luis Borges

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain


 

It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton

Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

The most important thing a father
can do for his children
is to love their mother.
- Henry Ward Beecher

When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca

So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is a wise father that knows his own child.
- William Shakespeare

My father considered a walk among the mountains
as the equivalent of churchgoing.
- Aldous Huxley

A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon

The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

Everyone who got where he is,
had to begin where he was.
- Richard L. Evans

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words,
and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.
- Winston Churchill

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

I leave no trace of wings in the air,
but I am glad I have had my flight.
- Rabindranath Tagore

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant.
If we did not sometimes taste of adversity,
prosperity would not be so welcome.
- Anne Bradstreet

Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

If I had no sense of humor,
I would long ago have committed suicide.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser

I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau

The soul would have no rainbow,
Had the eyes no tears.
- John Vance Cheney

Does anybody really think that they didn't get what they had
because they didn't have the talent
or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?
- Nelson Mandela

The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities
and the responsibility that we all had.
It wasn't the answer.
It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility.
- John Lennon

I wept because I had no shoes
until I met a man who had no feet.
- old Persian Proverb

When people hear good music,
it makes them homesick for
something they never had,
and never will have.
- Edgar Watson Howe

I had forgotten how much light there is in the world,
'til you gave it back to me.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Some people wanted champagne and caviar
when they should have had beer and hot dogs.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

When we quarrel, how we wish we had been blameless.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It had long since come to my attention
that people of accomplishment
rarely sat back and let things happen to them.
They went out and happened to things.
- Leonardo da Vinci

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors,
and no slave who has not had a king among his.
- Helen Keller

If i had known... i would have lingered
over my coffee a little longer.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We thought that we had the answers,
it was the questions we had wrong.
- Bono

As for accomplishments,
I just did what I had to do as things came along.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I have found that hollow,
which even I had relied on for solid.
- Henry David Thoreau

We occasionally stumble over the truth
but most of us pick ourselves up and
hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill

No duty the Executive had to perform was so trying
as to put the right man in the right place.
- Thomas Jefferson

Another day, another dollar, another war, another tower
Went up where the homeless had their home.
- Jewel

If the tongue had not been framed for articulation,
man would still be a beast in the forest.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Resort is had to ridicule only when reason is against us.
- Thomas Jefferson

I think that people want peace so much
that one of these days government had better
get out of their way and let them have it.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

It is only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth
and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up
that we will begin to live each day to the fullest,
as if it were the only one we had.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Essentially all suffering is the result of...
1. Comparing what we have (or don't have) today
... with what we had yesterday.
2. Comparing what we fear we might have (or not have) tomorrow)
... with what we have today.
3. Comparing what we have (or don't have) with what others have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was only the servant of my country and had I, at any moment,
failed to express her unflinching resolve to fight and conquer,
I should at once have been rightly cast aside.
- Winston Churchill

The slavery of fear had made men afraid to think.
But such is the irresistible nature of truth,
that all it asks, and all it wants, is the liberty of appearing.
- Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, 1791

It was the nation and the race dwelling all round the globe
that had the lion's heart.
I had the luck to be called upon to give the roar.
- Winston Churchill

In the long run, men hit only what they aim at.
Therefore, they had better aim at something high.
- Henry David Thoreau

The only good luck many great men ever had was
being born with the ability and determination to overcome bad luck.
- Channing Pollock


Thank you for visiting: My father and he had one of those English friendships by Jorge Luis Borges.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.