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So far, this is the oldest I've been. ...
by George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin


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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin


 

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

As far as I'm concerned, I prefer
silent vice to ostentatious virtue.
- Albert Einstein

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde

In soloing - as in other activities -
it is far easier to start something
than it is to finish it.
- Amelia Earhart

It is our choices ... that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

How far you can go without destroying from within
what you are trying to defend from without?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

When life offers you a dream so far
beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
- Winston Churchill

The wise man looks back into the past,
and does not grieve over what is far off,
nor rejoice over what is near;
for he knows that time is without end.
- Lao Tzu

Your example is far more influential and inspiring
than any words of instruction, or threats,
or even words of encouragement.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

These men ask for just the same thing,
fairness, and fairness only.
This, so far as in my power,
they, and all others, shall have.
- Abraham Lincoln

I never saw a discontented tree.
They grip the ground as though they liked it,
and though fast rooted, they travel about as far as we do.
- John Muir

The problem in defense is
how far you can go without destroying from within
what you are trying to defend from without.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

If a man loses pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
however measured or far away.
- Henry David Thoreau

Most of us love, to be sure.
Yet far too often our love is passive.
We must be proactive in our love
in order for it to change our lives.
- Marianne Williamson

There are risks and costs to action.
But they are far less than the long range
risks of comfortable inaction.
- John F. Kennedy

In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.
- John Muir

From far beyond this life,
I hear the call.
From place beyond all place,
I feel the call.
From time before all time,
I know the call.
From one before all ones,
I am the call.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is far more important to be able to hit the target
than it is to haggle over who makes a weapon or who pulls a trigger.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The Answers of Spirit are far more powerful
than the Questions of our small minds.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word happy would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along
with patience and equanimity.
- Carl Jung

Better do a good deed near at home
than go far away to burn incense.
- Amelia Earhart

The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon.
We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship,
and it is far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde

Little do men perceive what solitude is,
and how far it extendeth.
For a crowd is not company,
and faces are but a gallery of pictures,
and talk but a tinkling cymbal,
where there is no love.
- Francis Bacon

A man in debt is so far a slave.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Far and away the best prize that life has to offer
is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
- Theodore Roosevelt

There are a number of things wrong with Washington.
One of them is that everyone is too far from home.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
- West African proverb famously quoted by Theodore Roosevelt

Faith is the highest passion in a human being.
Many in every generation may not come that far, but none comes further.
- Soren Kierkegaard

To be seventy years young is sometimes
far more cheerful and hopeful
than to be forty years old.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Far from idleness being the root of all evil,
it is rather the only true good.
- Soren Kierkegaard

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
'Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

Far better is it to dare mighty things,
to win glorious triumphs,
even though chequered by failure,
than to take rank with those poor spirits
who neither enjoy much nor suffer much,
because they live in the grey twilight
that knows not victory or defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Working at a job you hate is unlikely
to bring you either happiness or success.
Do what you love. You are far more likely to gain success -
recognition and financial reward - if you are working
at something that inspires and excites you.
And, whether wealth follows or not, you will be happy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Plant trees for your great-grandchildren -
for future generations.
Create the legacy of a better world.
Leave this world a better place than you found it.
Literally planting trees for
your great-grandchildren is a wonderful idea,
but far more important...
use this symbolism - this imagery -
to represent the kind of legacy
you want to leave to future generations.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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