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Every day in every way I am getting better and better.
- Anonymous
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous 
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
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Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
The four most important words in any marriage...
"I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous
Talk doesn't cook rice.
- Chinese Proverb
Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb
Chanting OM is sort of like MOOing backward.
- Anonymous
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
Don't underestimate your abilities,
that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous
Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous
The light at the end of the tunnel
may be an oncoming train.
- Anonymous
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
- Anonymous
Join the army. Visit strange and exotic places.
Meet fascinating people. And kill them.
- Anonymous
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb
Whenever I find the key to success,
someone changes the lock.
- Anonymous
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Some days you're the dog,
and some days you're the hydrant.
- Anonymous
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
I love my attitude problem.
- Anonymous
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Anonymous
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous
Computers happen.
- Anonymous
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Anonymous
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Anonymous
A meowing cat can't catch mice.
- Yiddish Proverb
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly,
usually for the same reason.
- Anonymous
Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate.
- Anonymous
The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Anonymous
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.