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A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard 
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
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Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
Our desires always disappoint us;
for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction,
yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation.
- Elbert Hubbard
To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.
- Elbert Hubbard
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard
Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard
Dignity is a mask we wear to hide our ignorance.
- Elbert Hubbard
The sculptor produces the beautiful statue
by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed -
it is a process of elimination.
- Elbert Hubbard
Friendship, like credit, is highest when it is not used.
- Elbert Hubbard
If you have health, you probably will be happy,
and if you have health and happiness,
you have all the wealth you need, even if it is not all you want.
- Elbert Hubbard
A little more persistence,
a little more effort, and
what seemed hopeless failure
may turn to glorious success.
- Elbert Hubbard
Your friend is the man who knows all about you,
and still likes you.
- Elbert Hubbard
When you are right you cannot be too radical;
when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.