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Let these funny William Safire Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
The right to do something doesn't mean that doing it is right.
- William Safire
Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
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EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon
Lord, where we are wrong,
make us willing to change;
where we are right,
make us easy to live with.
- Peter Marshall
Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is dangerous to be right in matters
on which the established authorities are wrong.
- Voltaire
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe 
"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Customs do not concern themselves
with right or wrong or reason.
But they have to be obeyed;
one reasons all around them until he is tired,
but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
- Mark Twain
If it's Right, stand up for it - together.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't
are both right.
- Henry Ford
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.
If you live through it, you start looking
very carefully to the right and to the left.
- Jean Kerr
The right to be irresponsible is a right I hold dear.
- Bono
Confidence comes not from always being right
but from not fearing to be wrong.
- Peter T. Mcintyre
Do what you feel in your heart to be right.
You'll be criticized anyway.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
No matter how dull, or how mean, or how wise a man is,
he feels that happiness is his indisputable right.
- Helen Keller
To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono
The pendulum of the mind alternates
between sense and nonsense,
not between right and wrong.
- Carl Jung
Everyone believes that their beliefs are the right ones -
that is why they are called beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Your big opportunity may be right where you are now.
- Napoleon Hill
I have the right to love many people at once
and to change my prince often.
- Anais Nin
What is, is right.
- Alexander Pope
There are no right answers to wrong questions.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right,
you'll probably never do much of anything.
- Win Borden
Success is often the result of taking
a misstep in the right direction.
- Al Bernstein
Like a Cat, I am Independent, Patient, Alert, and Decisive.
When the time is right, I pounce on opportunity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
May your right hand always be
stretched out in friendship, never in want.
- Irish Blessing
Do you prefer that you be right or happy?
- A Course in Miracles
There are righteous people working
in a whole rainbow of belief systems -
from Hasidic Jews to right-wing Bible Belters
to charismatic Catholics.
- Bono
Let reason trump tradition and the opinions of others,
but let your own sense of what is Right trump even reason.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Let's have faith that right makes might;
and in that faith let us, to the end,
dare to do our duty as we understand it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Love bravely, live bravely, be courageous;
there's really nothing to lose.
There's no wrong you can't make right again,
so be kinder to yourself;
have fun, take chances. There are no bounds.
- Jewel
I never will, by any word or act, bow to the shrine of intolerance
or admit a right of inquiry into the religious opinions of others.
- Thomas Jefferson
I despise people who go to the gutter
on either the right or the left
and hurl rocks at those in the center.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Do what you feel in your heart to be right -
for you'll be criticized anyway.
You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The time is always right to do what is right.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It is a fine thing to be honest,
but it is also very important to be right.
- Winston Churchill
To have a right to do a thing
is not at all the same as to be right in doing it.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
When you are winning a war
almost everything that happens
can be claimed to be right and wise.
- Winston Churchill
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
- Oprah Winfrey
Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want.
It is the belief that God will do what is right.
- Max Lucado
Mankind are more disposed to suffer,
while evils are sufferable,
than to right themselves by abolishing
the forms to which they are accustomed.
- Thomas Jefferson
Today is the right day to do
what you have long wanted to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stand with anybody that stands right,
stand with him while he is right
and part with him when he goes wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln
No duty the Executive had to perform was so trying
as to put the right man in the right place.
- Thomas Jefferson
Is freedom anything else than the right
to live as we wish? Nothing else.
- Epictetus
If you think you can,
or you think you can't,
you're probably right.
- Henry Ford
There is a tendency for things to right themselves.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right;
a single experiment can prove me wrong.
- Albert Einstein
Nothing can stop the man with the right
mental attitude from achieving his goal;
nothing on earth can help the man
with the wrong mental attitude.
- Thomas Jefferson
Ordinary people seem not to realize
that those who really apply themselves
in the right way to philosophy
are directly and of their own accord
preparing themselves for dying and death.
- Socrates
You only live once -
but if you work it right, once is enough.
- Joe E. Lewis
When people get caught up with that which is right
and they are willing to sacrifice for it,
there is no stopping point short of victory.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
No one has a right to consume happiness without producing it.
- Helen Keller
It is better to displease the people
by doing what you know is right.
- William J. H. Boetcker
Understand that the right to
choose your own path
is a sacred privilege.
Use it.
Dwell in possibility.
- Oprah Winfrey
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.