Will Rogers Quotes
Funny Quotes by Will Rogers

I never expected to see the day when girls would get
sunburned in the places they now do.
- Will Rogers

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

I'm not a real movie star.
I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
- Will Rogers

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie"
until you can find a rock.
- Will Rogers

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
- Will Rogers

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers

A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers

The movies are the only business where you can go out
front and applaud yourself.
- Will Rogers

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good
stock and hold it till it goes up,
then sell it.
If it don't go up, don't buy it.
- Will Rogers

This country has come to feel the same when Congress
is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
- Will Rogers

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed
to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers

Make crime pay.
Become a lawyer.
- Will Rogers

I don't make jokes.
I just watch the government and report the facts.
- Will Rogers

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty.
I will belong to the select few.
- Will Rogers

Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft.
Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
- Will Rogers

It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.
- Will Rogers

If you can build a business up big enough,
it's respectable.
- Will Rogers

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot
of money even to be defeated.
- Will Rogers

People are getting smarter nowadays;
they are letting lawyers,
instead of their conscience, be their guide.
- Will Rogers

You can't say civilization don't advance...
in every war they kill you in a new way.
- Will Rogers

An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
- Will Rogers

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate,
now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
- Will Rogers

There's only one thing that can kill the movies,
and that's education.
- Will Rogers

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf.
I have never been depressed enough to take up the game,
but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
- Will Rogers

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living.
That's one thing about a little education.
It spoils you for actual work.
The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.
- Will Rogers

Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this',
and they didn't, they got worse.
- Will Rogers

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
- Will Rogers

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.
- Will Rogers

Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.
- Will Rogers

Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
- Will Rogers

The more you observe politics, the more you've got
to admit that each party is worse than the other.
- Will Rogers

Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats.
If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.
- Will Rogers

There are three kinds of men.
The one that learns by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
- Will Rogers

Half our life is spent trying to find something to
do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
- Will Rogers

Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
- Will Rogers

Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
- Will Rogers

Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.
- Will Rogers

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple.
Know what you are doing.
Love what you are doing.
And believe in what you are doing.
- Will Rogers

If you make any money, the government shoves you in
the creek once a year with it in your pockets,
and all that don't get wet you can keep.
- Will Rogers

Things in our country run in spite of government,
not by aid of it.
- Will Rogers

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue
us for calling him "father."
- Will Rogers

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat
is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other,
while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.
- Will Rogers

I have a scheme for stopping war.
It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till
they have paid for the last one.
- Will Rogers

People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.
- Will Rogers

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half
the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
- Will Rogers

Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.
- Will Rogers

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as
soldiers are for finishing it...
You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.
- Will Rogers

Everything is changing.
People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
- Will Rogers

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
- Will Rogers

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people.
We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
- Will Rogers

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.
- Will Rogers

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving
their products as they do on advertising then they
wouldn't have to advertise them.
- Will Rogers

In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned
to write but evidently can't read.
If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.
- Will Rogers

I am not a member of any organized political party.
I am a Democrat.
- Will Rogers

Money and women are the most sought after and the least
known about of any two things we have.
- Will Rogers

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
- Will Rogers

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S.
Senators.
- Will Rogers

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
- Will Rogers

It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble,
it's what we know that ain't so.
- Will Rogers

The only difference between death and taxes is that
death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
- Will Rogers

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving
their product that they do on advertising and they
wouldn't have to advertise it.
- Will Rogers

One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
- Will Rogers

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have
the whole government working for you.
- Will Rogers

I read about eight newspapers in a day.
When I'm in a town with only one newspaper,
I read it eight times.
- Will Rogers

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
- Will Rogers

Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
- Will Rogers

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast
enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.
- Will Rogers

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