Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Thomas Mann Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
A man's dying is more his survivor's affair than his own.
- Thomas Mann
Thoughts come clearly while one walks.
- Thomas Mann
If you are possessed by an idea,
you will find it expressed everywhere,
you even smell it.
- Thomas Mann
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thank you for visiting: Thomas Mann Quotes - Funny Quotes by Thomas Mann.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.