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Terry Pratchett Quotes
Funny Quotes by Terry Pratchett

Let these funny Terry Pratchett Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett

The presence of those seeking the truth
is infinitely to be preferred
to the presence of those who think they've found it.
- Terry Pratchett

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather PHOTO


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Our stories are the window to our emotions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am merely a bit player in your stories,
as you are merely a bit player in mine.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould


 

The world just IS, and we all have our stories about it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The "stories" we choose to tell about our past
are never what a video camera would have recorded.
We can tell a sad story or a happy story,
and neither story is either
more accurate or "better" than the other story.
The difference is that one story causes us to suffer,
while the other brings us joy. I choose joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We tell the real truth of our life
by the stories we repeatedly tell.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I forgive myself completely for having created stories of suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you follow the trail of your own
enthusiastically repeated stories,
you will begin to rediscover the things
that invigorate and enliven you.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I forgive myself completely
for having created stories of suffering.
I forgive myself for all
my angers, resentments, jealousies,
and all the other emotions of suffering.
I have unbounded compassion for myself
at all times and under all circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone,
your heart is telling you that you have
not resolved your issues with them.
In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person.
All of this begs the question, how do we forgive?
First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories
about why you behave the way you do.
Stop blaming your behavior on other people
and take responsibility for your emotional reactions.
If you could forgive all the people in your life
who have hurt or wounded you
it would be possible to be in control of your behavior
instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time.
Imagine living life without experiencing
a constant emotional roller-coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy!
That would be bliss!
-Sheri Rosenthal

I confessed recently to an old friend,
"I realized I was looking at you,
in your visit, through old glasses.
Speaking old words.
Telling old stories.
I realize that in my life I've made so many
physical changes and I need to give my spirit time to catch up."
Time for my spirit to look at my friend
through the new glasses of current life experiences.
Old friends are precious.
They become even more treasured when they are wrapped
in the currentness of life experiences
and not relegated to the past in which they once lived.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec PHOTO

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi PHOTO

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein

Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

Life is an adventure.
I can only wonder what treasure
awaits at the top of the path.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

People only see what they are prepared to see.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

We have only this moment,
sparkling like a star in our hand -
and melting like a snowflake.
- Marie B. Ray


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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