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Let these funny Steve Jobs Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Be a yardstick of quality.
Some people aren't used to an environment
where excellence is expected.
- Steve Jobs
Don't be trapped by dogma -
which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions
drown out your own inner voice.
- Steve Jobs
Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition -
they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
- Steve Jobs
Your time is limited,
so don't waste it living someone else's life.
- Steve Jobs
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Steve Jobs' Three Rules of Life ...
1. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
2. Don't be trapped by dogma -
which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.
3. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition -
they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
- Steve Jobs
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
Don't be trapped by dogma -
which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of others' opinions
drown out your own inner voice.
And most important, have the courage
to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become.
Everything else is secondary.
- Steve Jobs
I have one yardstick by which I test every major problem -
and that yardstick is: Is it good for America?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.