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Let these funny St. Francis De Sales Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Do not wish to be anything but what you are,
and try to be that perfectly.
- St. Francis De Sales
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
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Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.