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Samuel Butler Quotes
Funny Quotes by Samuel Butler

Let these funny Samuel Butler Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

The most important service rendered
by the press and the magazines
is that of educating people
to approach printed matter with distrust.
- Samuel Butler

Life is like music; it must be composed by ear,
feeling, and instinct, not by rule.
- Samuel Butler

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
- Samuel Butler


 

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO


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Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.