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Let these funny Red Skelton Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
If by chance some day you're not feeling well
and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done
and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart,
then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
- Red Skelton
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
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It's just random chance, baby; get used to it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A life lived of choice is a life of conscious action.
A life lived of chance is a life of unconscious creation.
- Neale Donald Walsch
Take a chance! All life is a chance.
The man who goes farthest is generally
the one who is willing to do and dare.
- Dale Carnegie
He who trusts all things to chance,
makes a lottery of his life
- Proverb
There is no chance and anarchy in the universe.
All is system and gradation.
Every god is there sitting in his sphere.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I will prepare and some day my chance will come.
- Abraham Lincoln
Destiny is not a matter of chance,
It is a matter of choice.
It is not something to be waited for,
But rather something to be achieved.
- William Jennings Bryan
Whatever your work and whatever its worth,
No matter how strong or clever,
Some one will sneer if you pause to hear,
And scoff at your best endeavor.
For the target art has a broad expanse,
And wherever you chance to hit it,
Though close be your aim to the bull's-eye fame,
There are those who will never admit it.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
When all you know is bombs,
everything looks like a target.
Give peace and diplomacy a chance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A discussion of philosophy is like a cat chasing its tail -
it may be an amusing diversion but
it has no chance for a satisfying conclusion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
- Oprah Winfrey
Read the best books first,
or you may not have a chance to read them at all.
- Henry David Thoreau
The history of free men is never really written by chance
but by choice; their choice!
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The people are the foundation of the nation.
Our only chance for a lasting peace on earth:
the release of the strength of the common man.
- Jimmy Yen
Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.
- Albert Camus
All we are saying is give peace a chance.
- John Lennon
As a rock star, I have two instincts,
I want to have fun, and I want to change the world.
I have a chance to do both.
- Bono
Far and away the best prize that life has to offer
is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
- Theodore Roosevelt
When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If there is anything that a man can do well,
I say let him do it. Give him a chance.
- Abraham Lincoln
Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends.
- Jacques Delille
I want to have fun, and I want to change the world.
I have a chance to do both.
- Bono
Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never stop dreaming your inspired future.
Believing in your dreams is only the first step,
but unless you have a dream that you believe in,
you are leaving your future to random chance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For as long as I can remember, I've been searching for something,
some reason why we're here. What are we doing here? Who are we?
If this is a chance to find out
even just a little part of that answer...
I don't know, I think it's worth a human life. Don't you?
- the Jodie Foster movie Contact (1997)
We should not let our response to
the people who disagree with us
be dictated by what they say about us
or even how they treat people we care for.
There has to be a chance that we can find love.
- William J. Clinton
Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life
in which chance has placed us,
but is always the result of a good conscience,
good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.
- Thomas Jefferson
Not chance of birth or place has made us friends,
Being oftentimes of different tongues and nations,
But the endeavor for the selfsame ends,
With the same hopes, and fears, and aspirations.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous
Life is a series of experiences,
each one of which makes us bigger,
even though sometimes it is hard to realize this.
- Henry Ford
Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Hard work pays off.
- Anonymous
Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings,
so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.
- Socrates
The truth of the matter is that
you always know the right thing to do.
The hard part is doing it.
- Norman Schwarzkoff
Surround yourself with people who
take their work seriously,
but not themselves,
those who work hard and play hard.
- Colin Powell
It's hard to believe, hard to be a believer,
when you see the way the things are in the world.
But I am a believer!
- Bono
There is no substitute for hard work.
- Thomas Edison
You hold onto religion, you know,
rules, regulations, traditions.
I think what God is interested in
is people's hearts, and that's hard enough.
- Bono
Nature is trying very hard to make us succeed,
but nature does not depend on us.
We are not the only experiment.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Football is like life - it requires perseverance,
self-denial, hard work, sacrifice,
dedication and respect for authority.
- Vince Lombardi
Life grants nothing to us mortals without hard work.
- Horace
Have convictions. Be friendly.
Stick to your beliefs as they stick to theirs.
Work as hard as they do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Some people dream of success
while others wake up and work hard at it.
- Anonymous
I soothe my conscience now with the thought that
it is better for hard words to be on paper
than that Mummy should carry them in her heart.
- Anne Frank
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
- Philo
I haven't got any special religion this morning.
My God is the God of Walkers.
If you walk hard enough,
you probably don't need any other god.
- Bruce Chatwin
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
It is awfully hard to be brave, when you're only a Very Small Animal.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman
The price of success is hard work,
dedication to the job at hand,
and the determination that whether we win or lose,
we have applied the best of ourselves to the task at hand.
- Vince Lombardi
Truly great friends are hard to find,
difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
- Anonymous
From behind the Iron Curtain, there are signs that tyranny
is in trouble and reminders that its structure
is as brittle as its surface is hard.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work,
so most people don't recognize them.
- Ann Landers
I learned the value of hard work by working hard.
- Margaret Mead
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control
and at times hard to handle.
But if you can't handle me at my worst,
then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
- Marilyn Monroe
Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror,
victory however long and hard the road may be;
for without victory, there is no survival.
- Winston Churchill
Nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches
as to conceive how others can be in want.
- Jonathan Swift
It's so easy to fall in love
but hard to find someone who will catch you.
- Anonymous
There are no secrets to success.
It is the result of preparation,
hard work, and learning from failure.
- Colin Powell
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
- Khalil Gibran
Know that life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.