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Let these funny Ray Bradbury Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled.
The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over
and let the beautiful stuff out.
- Ray Bradbury
You have to know how to accept rejection, and reject acceptance.
- Ray Bradbury
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
"I" is a non-stop storyteller, spinning tales
of the past, the present and the future -
constantly editing, interpreting
and directing this inner movie.
- Josh Baran
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To be yourself in a world that
is constantly trying to make you something else
is the greatest accomplishment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I constantly seek excellence
in all domains that truly matter to me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The mind constantly chatters.
That chatter winds up being the force
that drives us much of the day in terms of what we do,
what we react to, and how we feel.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
We're constantly striving for success, fame and comfort
when all we really need to be happy
is someone or some thing to be enthusiastic about.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If a man constantly aspires is he not elevated?
- Henry David Thoreau
Don't think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment
without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania.
Appropriate rituals channel your emotions
and life energy toward the light.
Without the discipline to practice them,
you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.
- Lao Tzu
When you read God's Word, you must
constantly be saying to yourself,
"It is talking to me, and about me."
- Soren Kierkegaard
We may not always be aware of it, but we all create
and repeat affirmations constantly.
The problem is, we typically don't pay attention
to exactly what those affirmations are saying.
Often we go through the day giving ourselves
all sorts of contradictory, or even negative messages.
We may project confidence to the world around us,
while our inner dialogue says...
I hope this works.
I am so nervous about this.
I hope I don't blow it.
Affirmations are self fulfilling prophecies.
If we say, This is never going to work
... then chances are excellent it never will.
- John Assaraf
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh) 
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Distance cannot matter - ours is a friendship of the heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The ache for home lives in all of us,
the safe place where we can
go as we are and not be questioned.
- Maya Angelou
Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.
- Mike Murdock
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.