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Proverbs Quotes
Funny Quotes by Proverbs

Let these funny Proverbs Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.
- Proverbs 23:7

A man's pride shall bring him low,
but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.
- Proverbs 29:23

As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
- The Bible

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO


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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)


 

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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