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Let these funny Pope John Paul I Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
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The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder
Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.
- Stephanie Klein
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
Whenever I find the key to success,
someone changes the lock.
- Anonymous
Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart 
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone
what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone -
but paradoxically, if we cannot trust,
neither can we find love or joy.
- Walter Anderson
Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous
Hell is living with someone who complains, whines, and argues.
- Anonymous
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
- Sylvester Stallone
When you see someone putting on his Big Boots,
you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them all at once.
You lose them in pieces over time
- the movie Simon Birch
You know you love someone when you know
you want them to be happy,
even if their happiness means
that you are not a part of it.
- Anonymous
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
The art of acceptance is the art of making someone
who has just done you a small favor
wish that he might have done you a greater one.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words
but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
When someone has a strong intuitive connection,
Buddhism suggests that it's because of karma,
some past connection.
- Richard Gere
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength;
loving someone deeply gives you courage.
- Lao Tzu
If someone thinks that love and peace is a cliche
that must have been left behind in the Sixties,
that's his problem. Love and peace are eternal.
- John Lennon
Love is missing someone whenever you're apart,
but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
- Kay Knudsen
When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whenever you're in conflict with someone,
there is one factor that can make the difference
between damaging your relationship and deepening it.
That factor is attitude.
- William James
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone
who can do him absolutely no good.
- Samuel Johnson
A friend is someone who understands my past,
believes in my future,
and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous
I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel
A hero is someone who has given his life to
something bigger than himself
or something other than himself.
- Joseph Campbell
Embrace your uniqueness.
Time is much too short to be
living someone else's life.
- Kobi Yamada
Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.
- Albert Schweitzer
What is a friend? I will tell you ...
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
- Frank Crane
If someone irritates you, it is only
your own response that is irritating you.
Therefore, when anyone seems to be provoking you,
remember that it is only your judgment
of the incident that provokes you. -
- Epictetus
We're constantly striving for success, fame and comfort
when all we really need to be happy
is someone or some thing to be enthusiastic about.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Those who are dedicated to a life of wisdom
understand that the impulse to blame
something or someone is foolishness,
that there is nothing to be gained in blaming,
whether it be others or oneself.
- Epictetus
A coach is someone who can give correction
without causing resentment.
- John Wooden
Faith is much better than belief.
Belief is when someone else does the thinking.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
There comes that mysterious meeting in life
when someone acknowledges who we are and what we can be,
igniting the circuits of our highest potential.
- Rusty Berkus
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free
and realizing you were the prisoner!
- Max Lucado
Don't fall for looks, they can deceive.
Don't fall for wealth, in the end it fades away.
Find someone who makes you smile
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
- Anonymous
Every time you smile at someone,
it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
- Mother Teresa
The best way to cheer yourself
is to try to cheer someone else up.
- Mark Twain
You don't love someone for their looks,
or their clothes, or for their fancy car,
but because they sing a song only you can hear.
- Anonymous
It's so easy to fall in love
but hard to find someone who will catch you.
- Anonymous
Your time is limited,
so don't waste it living someone else's life.
- Steve Jobs
You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.
- Anonymous
A friend is someone who won't stop
until he finds you and brings you home.
- Fraser Sr. in the movie Due South
Don't take rejection personally.
Don't let someone else's bad day spoil your day.
As long as you never reject yourself, you'll be fine.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Even the rich are hungry for love,
for being cared for, for being wanted,
for having someone to call their own.
- Mother Teresa
When we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall into
mutually satisfying weirdness -
and call it love - true love.
- Robert Fulghum.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.