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Let these funny Pierre Teilhard de Chardin Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.