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Let these funny Niccolo Machiavelli Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Men in general judge more from
appearances than from reality. All
men have eyes, but few have
the gift of penetration.
- Niccolo Machiavelli
Men ought either to be indulged or utterly destroyed,
for if you merely offend them, they take vengeance,
but if you injure them greatly, they are unable to retaliate,
so that the injury done to a man
ought to be such that vengeance cannot be feared.
- Niccolo Machiavelli
Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
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Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein
In every society some men are born to rule,
and some to advise.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Men have become the tools of their tools.
- Henry David Thoreau
The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington
When It's Darkest, Men See the Stars.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
My heart bleeds at the death of every one of our gallant men.
- Robert E. Lee
It takes time to persuade men to do even
what is for their own good.
- Thomas Jefferson
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
The revelation of thought takes men
out of servitude into freedom.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men.
No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man.
- Elbert Hubbard
Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
- Henry David Thoreau
It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher
I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
Every kind of peaceful cooperation among men
is primarily based on mutual trust
and only secondarily on institutions
such as courts of justice and police.
- Albert Einstein
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
Who never walks save where he sees
men's tracks, makes no discoveries.
- J. G. Holland
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The majority of men meet with failure
because of their lack of persistence
in creating new plans to take
the place of those which fail.
- Napoleon Hill
Measures must always, in a progressive society,
be held superior to men, who are after all,
imperfect instruments, working for their fulfillment.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We believe that if men have the talent
to invent new machines that put men out of work,
they have the talent to put those men back to work.
- John F. Kennedy
Men are not prisoners of fate,
but only prisoners of their own minds.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
We know but a few men, a great many coats and breeches.
- Henry David Thoreau
An association of men who will not quarrel with one another
is a thing which has never yet existed,
from the greatest confederacy of nations
down to a town meeting or a vestry.
- Thomas Jefferson
Men occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
- Winston Churchill
The price of apathy towards public affairs
is to be ruled by evil men.
- Plato
To sin by silence when they should protest makes cowards of men.
- Abraham Lincoln
As our enemies have found, we can reason like men,
so now let us show them we can fight like men also.
- Thomas Jefferson
Man becomes great exactly in the degree
in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Men are what their mothers made them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.
Mere tolerance has given place to a sentiment of brotherhood
between sincere men of all denominations.
- Helen Keller
Every creature is better alive than dead,
men and moose and pine trees,
and he who understands it aright
will rather preserve its life than destroy it.
- Henry David Thoreau
Great men or men of great gifts
you shall easily find,
but symmetrical men never.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The slavery of fear had made men afraid to think.
But such is the irresistible nature of truth,
that all it asks, and all it wants, is the liberty of appearing.
- Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, 1791
Wise men put their trust in ideas
and not in circumstances
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton
Difficulties show men what they are.
In case of any difficulty,
remember that God has pitted you
against a rough antagonist
that you may be a conqueror,
and this cannot be without toil.
- Epictetus
Many men go fishing all of their lives
without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
- Henry David Thoreau
There are times, sir, when men of good conscience
cannot blindly follow orders.
- Captain Picard, STAR TREK: The Next Generation
The reason why men do not obey us,
is because they see the mud at the bottom of our eye.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.