Mo Udall Quotes
Funny Quotes by Mo Udall

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
- Mo Udall

The more we exploit nature, The more our options are reduced,
until we have only one: to fight for survival.
- Mo Udall

The ability to change one's views without losing one's
seat is the mark of a great politician.
- Mo Udall

I have learned the difference between a cactus and a caucus.
On a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
- Mo Udall

Lord, give us the wisdom to utter words that are gentle and tender,
for tomorrow we may have to eat them.
- Mo Udall

One puts on black robes to scare the hell out of white people,
while the other puts on white robes to scare the hell out of blacks.
- Mo Udall

For those of you who don't understand Reaganomics,
it's based on the principle that the rich and the poor
will get the same amount of ice.
In Reaganomics, however, the poor get all of theirs in winter.
- Mo Udall

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
- Milton Berle

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell, the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch
too many of them together.
- Josh Billings

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
- Joe E. Lewis

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

I don't need you to remind me of my age.
I have a bladder to do that for me.
- Stephen Fry

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
- Steven Wright

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
- Alanis Morissette

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
- Bill Cosby

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

My uncle Sammy was an angry man.
He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith

Never have more children than you have car windows.
- Erma Bombeck

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Any girl can be glamorous.
All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

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