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Let these funny Laurel Thatcher Ulrich Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau
The length of this document defends it well
against the risk of its being read.
- Winston Churchill
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
You may as well laugh at life,
because it's certainly laughing at you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous
Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
A well-developed sense of humor
is the pole that adds balance to your steps,
as you walk the tightrope of life.
- William Arthur Ward
Imagine for yourself a character,
a model personality whose example you determine to follow,
in private as well as in public.
- Epictetus
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
Being angry harms your physical,
emotional, and spiritual well-being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a dangerous - ultimately fatal - endeavor,
so you may as well live it full out.
Chart your course, cast off the lines,
and boldly sail the seas of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often.
- Anonymous
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Hatred is blind, as well as love.
- Oscar Wilde
Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody
- John Churton Collins
Treat the earth well.
It was not given to you by your parents,
it was loaned to you by your children.
We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors,
we borrow it from our Children.
- Native American traditional
Whatever your life's work is, do it well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Hold on... Joyfully.
Holding-on does not have to be
a desperate teeth-gritting kind of holding-on.
Holding-on can be a joyful
"this is just the nature of Life,
so I may as well enjoy it"
kind of holding-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace.
A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being
that places harmony in one's life.
- Peace Pilgrim
Your point of view sets you up well in advance
for how you view the events as they unfold.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread.
- John Muir
As a well-spent day brings happy sleep,
so a life well spent brings happy death.
- Leonardo da Vinci
If you can't explain it simply,
you don't understand it well enough.
- Albert Einstein
The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing,
we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger,
but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
- Robert Cushing
It is well to remember that the
entire population of the universe,
with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
- Andrew J. Holmes
What is once well done is done forever.
- Henry David Thoreau
Nothing is ever going to work out the way you want,
so you may as well choose to want the way life does work out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace
and those who could make a good peace
would never have won the war.
- Winston Churchill
Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.
- Henry David Thoreau
The hardest of all, is learning to be
a well of affection, and not a fountain,
to show them that we love them,
not when we feel like it, but when they do.
- Nan Fairbrother
It is better to travel well than to arrive.
- The Buddha
Treat the earth well,
It was not given to you by your parents,
It was loaned to you by your children.
- Native American Proverb
Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we are here we might as well dance.
- Anonymous
The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You are defined by your habits - choose well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Always aim at complete harmony
of thought and word and deed.
Always aim at purifying your thoughts
and everything will be well.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If there is anything that a man can do well,
I say let him do it. Give him a chance.
- Abraham Lincoln
Well done is better than well said.
- Benjamin Franklin
One may as well dam for water tanks
the people's cathedrals and churches,
for no holier temple has ever
been consecrated by the heart of man.
- John Muir
Is it not enough to know the evil to shun it?
If not, we should be sincere enough to admit
that we love evil too well to give it up.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The interests of a nation, when well understood,
will be found to coincide with their moral duties.
- Thomas Jefferson
A house is not a home unless it
contains food and fire
for the mind as well as the body.
- Benjamin Franklin
If there is any one secret of success,
it lies in the ability to get
the other person's point of view
and see things from that person's angle
as well as from your own.
- Henry Ford
Doing well is the result of doing good.
That's what capitalism is all about.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To the well-organized mind,
death is but the next great adventure.
- J. K. Rowling
It is not enough to have a good mind,
the main thing is to use it well.
- Rene Descartes
Rights that do not flow from duty
well performed are not worth having.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin
Good men must not obey the laws too well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement.
But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
- Niels Bohr
A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller
Be careful to leave your sons well instructed rather than rich,
for the hopes of the instructed
are better than the wealth of the ignorant.
- Epictetus
Learn to do common things uncommonly well;
we must always keep in mind that anything
that helps fill the dinner pail is valuable.
- George Washington Carver
The best friend is the man who in wishing me well
wishes it for my sake.
- Anonymous
Before we acquire great power
we must acquire wisdom to use it well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
He's my friend that speaks well of me behind my back.
- Thomas Fuller
Ambition has one heel nailed in well,
though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens.
- Lao Tzu
When the well's dry, we know the worth of water.
- Benjamin Franklin
Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
If you want something to be different than it is,
you might as well teach a cat to bark.
Wanting something to be different than it is, is hopeless.
- Byron Katie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.