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Josh Billings Quotes
Funny Quotes by Josh Billings

Let these funny Josh Billings Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are,
and doing things as they ought to be done.
- Josh Billings

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous PHOTO

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West PHOTO


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Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost PHOTO

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken


 

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran PHOTO

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous

A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine

Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson

The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson

Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon

Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather

Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth

Love Without Limits.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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