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Let these funny John Kenneth Galbraith Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Obviously I faced the possibility of not returning
when first I considered going.
Once faced and settled there really wasn't
any good reason to refer to it.
- Amelia Earhart
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
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When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy
Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau
Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard
If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow
The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does
not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton,
they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
- Carl Sagan
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Some years ago I became president of Columbia University
and learned within 24 hours to be ready
to speak at the drop of a hat,
and I learned something more, the trustees were expected
to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda
The word "happiness" would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
- Carl Jung
You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw
If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates
There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw
The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach
I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo
If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I won't miss you.
I will miss who I thought you were.
- Anonymous
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things.
- Robert Brault
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word happy would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along
with patience and equanimity.
- Carl Jung
All that is necessary to break the spell
of inertia and frustration is this:
Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande
Whenever you do a thing,
act as if all the world were watching.
- Thomas Jefferson
I have found out in later years that we were very poor,
but the glory of America is that we didn't know it then.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.
- Indian Proverb
When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I thought then, and I think now, that the invasion of Iraq
was unnecessary and unjust.
And I think the premises on which it was launched were false.
- Jimmy Carter
It is only when we truly know and understand
that we have a limited time on earth
and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up
that we will begin to live each day to the fullest,
as if it were the only one we had.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be,
and you'll help them to become
what they are capable of becoming.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Look at everything as though you were seeing it
either for the first or last time.
Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.
- Betty Smith
The journey between what you once were
and who you are now becoming
is where the dance of Life really takes place.
- Barbara De Angelis
We would never have a word for Joy
if there were no suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When we got into office, the thing
that surprised me most
was to find that things were just as bad
as we'd been saying they were.
- John F. Kennedy
Were it left to me to decide whether we should
have a government without newspapers,
or newspapers without a government,
I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.
- Thomas Jefferson
Our pleasures were simple - they included survival.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The crops were planted, tended, and harvested -
now the ground lies fallow, awaiting the new planting.
Did the year fail? I think not.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self,
can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all.
- Soren Kierkegaard
"I wonder what Piglet is doing," thought Pooh.
"I wish I were there to be doing it, too."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
We act as though comfort and luxury
were the chief requirements of life,
when all that we need to make us really happy
is something to be enthusiastic about.
- Charles Kingsley
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
- Ogden Nash
Begin each day as if it were on purpose.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Most unhappiness comes from resisting life.
Occasionally, you have such a strong commitment
to changing the world order that it is worth
struggling against the flow of life.
But don't live your life as if each minor happening
were a matter of life and death.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Who were you before you put yourself last.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
While they were saying among themselves
it cannot be done, it was done.
- Helen Keller
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize
how close they were to success when they gave up.
- Thomas Edison
Forgive and give as if it were your last opportunity.
Love like there's no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again.
- Max Lucado
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.