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John Baines Quotes
Funny Quotes by John Baines

Let these funny John Baines Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

The first step towards the solution
of any problem is optimism.
- John Baines

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous PHOTO

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde


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If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)


 

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. PHOTO

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey PHOTO

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare PHOTO

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

All things at first appear difficult.
- Chinese proverb

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Anonymous

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler

The first quality that is needed is audacity.
- Winston Churchill

Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

During the first period of a man's life
the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous

Be gentle first with yourself -
if you wish to be gentle with others.
- Lama Yeshe

Nothing happens unless first a dream.
- Carl Sandburg

If at first you don't succeed, try try again.
- Proverb

Let every day be the first day
of the rest of your life,
but especially let today be a new beginning.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is the first law of friendship
that it has to be cultivated.
The second is to be indulgent
when the first law is neglected.
- Voltaire

The first step in the evolution of ethics
is a sense of solidarity with other human beings.
- Albert Schweitzer

Life ... is like a parachute jump:
you have to get it right the first time.
- Margaret Mead

Today, I Do What Is Important To Me, First.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
- Epictetus

Do first things first, and second things not at all.
- Peter F. Drucker

Be gentle first with yourself.
- Lama Yeshe

The second office in the government is honorable and easy;
the first is but a splendid misery.
- Thomas Jefferson

Habits are cobwebs at first, cables at last.
- Chinese proverb

Our "Rainbows and Butterflies" are the small miracles of our life -
the little things that are so easy to overlook,
yet so awe inspiring when we take a moment
to notice and to pay attention.
Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh,
for the touch of a hand and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know first that you have absolutely no power to change the world,
and then address all your energies and intent toward improving it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
- Thomas Jefferson

Life is a journey. It is not a race to test
who can finish first or who can end up with the most loot.
Rather, life is best enjoyed as a meander -
watching the view to left and right - above and below -
as the days slowly move past in dress review.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Let him that would move the world first move himself.
- Socrates

You have a row of dominoes set up;
you knock over the first one,
and what will happen to the last one
is that it will go over very quickly.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
The secret of getting started is
breaking your complex overwhelming tasks
into small manageable tasks,
and starting on the first one.
- Mark Twain

In rivers, the water that you touch
is the last of what has passed
and the first of that which comes;
so with present time.
- Leonardo da Vinci

It's all right for a woman to be, above all, human.
I am a woman first of all.
- Anais Nin

"Think simple" as my old master used to say -
meaning reduce the whole of its parts
into the simplest terms,
getting back to first principles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

We first make our habits, then our habits make us.
- John Dryden

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes,
I want to go home and screw; After the first twenty minutes,
I never want to screw again as long as I live
- Erica Jong


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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