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Let these funny Joan Didion Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is,
a dissatisfaction with self.
- Joan Didion
As a cure for worrying,
work is better than whiskey.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
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Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.
We cannot cure the world of sorrows,
but we can choose to live in joy.
- Joseph Campbell
The only cure for grief is action.
- G. H. Lewes
Understanding does not cure evil,
but it is a definite help,
inasmuch as one can cope
with a comprehensible darkness.
- Carl Jung
Objectivity is the cure for depression.
- Bono
We may have found a cure for most evils;
but we have found no remedy for the worst of them all,
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
I try to give to the poor people for love
what the rich could get for money.
No, I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds;
yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.
- Mother Teresa
There is nothing wrong with America
that faith, love of freedom, intelligence,
and energy of her citizens cannot cure.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
- George Santayana
The best cure for our own self-inflicted suffering
is often service to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Prevention is better than cure.
- Desiderius Erasmus
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
- Benjamin Franklin
Love is the great miracle cure.
Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives.
- Louise L. Hay
Sameness is the mother of disgust, variety the cure.
- Francesco Petrarch
Laugh at yourself and at life.
Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity,
but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain,
cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective
that seemingly terrible defeat and worry
with laughter at your predicaments,
thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution
that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously.
- Og Mandino
We return thanks to our mother,
the earth, which sustains us.
We return thanks to the rivers and streams
which supply us with water.
We return thanks to all herbs, which furnish medicines
for the cure of our diseases.
We return thanks to the corn, and to her sisters,
the beans and squashes, which give us life.
We return thanks to the bushes and trees,
which provide us with fruit.
We return thanks to the wind,
which, moving the air, has banished diseases.
We return thanks to the moon and the stars,
which have given us their light when the sun was gone.
We return thanks to our grandfather He-no,
that he has protected his grandchildren from witches and reptiles,
and has given us his rain.
We return thanks to the sun,
that he has looked upon the earth with a beneficent eye.
Lastly, we return thanks to the Great Spirit,
in whom is embodied all goodness,
and who directs all things for the good of his children.
- Iroquois traditional
You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
by worrying about the future.
- Anonymous
Life only appears complicated when one is worrying.
Relax, and life becomes simple again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying
about things which are beyond the power of our will.
- Epictetus
Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.
- Winston Churchill
Are you feeling stressed and upset?
If so, you are worrying about tomorrow.
Events that have already occurred may cause you regret,
but they only appear to cause worry.
If you just lost your job, you are not worrying about losing your job -
that already happened.
You are worrying about paying your bills and finding a new job.
Those are worries about tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Rather than worrying about the continuous stream of potential threats,
let us give thanks for our blessing of living in the eye-of-the-storm -
our protected refuge from the terrors
of fearsome dangers just outside our lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If only the people who worry about their liabilities
would think about the riches they do possess,
they would stop worrying.
- Dale Carnegie
If the problem can be solved,
there is no use worrying about it.
If it can't be solved,
worrying will do no good.
- Tibetan proverb
Worrying is like a rocking chair,
it gives you something to do,
but it gets you nowhere.
- Glenn Turner
Many people allow their need
for other people's approval to control their lives.
They spend their lives worrying about what others think of them.
- Rick Warren
Instead of worrying about what people say of you,
why not spend time trying to accomplish
something they will admire.
- Dale Carnegie
Remember that "concern" is about the time, energy, and emotion
that we direct toward worrying about something or someone -
not whether we are for that something or against it.
However, nothing that we do for fun is ever a "concern."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago?
Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy
on account of most of them?
Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?
- Dale Carnegie
When we hate our enemies, we are
giving them power over us:
power over our sleep, our appetites,
our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness.
Our enemies would dance with joy if only
they knew how they were worrying us,
lacerating us, and getting even with us!
Our hate is not hurting them at all,
but our hate is turning our own days
and nights into a hellish turmoil.
- Dale Carnegie
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.