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Let these funny Jerome Blattner Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
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What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens
And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson
A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung
We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken
Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge
An unclean person is universally a slothful one.
- Henry David Thoreau
Jealousy is that pain which a man feels
from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved
by the person whom he entirely loves.
- Joseph Addison
It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe
The person who you're with most in life is yourself
and if you don't like yourself,
you're always with somebody you don't like.
- Marc S. Lewis
Only one who devotes himself to a cause
with his whole strength and soul
can be a true master.
For this reason mastery demands all of a person.
- Albert Einstein
There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything.
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
- Dale Carnegie
There is no person in this room whose basic rights
are not involved in any successful defiance
to the carrying out of court orders.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The envious person grows lean
with the fatness of their neighbor.
- Socrates
Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being.
With freedom comes responsibility.
For the person who is unwilling to grow up,
the person who does not want to carry is own weight,
this is a frightening prospect.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Don't marry the person you think you can live with;
marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
- James C. Dobson
You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.
- Anonymous
A sense of humor... is needed armor.
Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips
is a sign that the person down deep
has a pretty good grasp of life.
- Hugh Sidey
We really have to understand the person we want to love.
If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Determine never to be idle.
No person will have occasion to complain
of the want of time who never loses any.
It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.
- Thomas Jefferson
The final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank
Important ideas can come from unexpected places.
We tend to label people - Genius, Idiot,
Socialist, Regressive, Wingnut, Revolutionary, Terrorist.
But it is helpful to remind ourselves to be open
to good ideas - whatever their source.
It is equally important to avoid accepting any idea
merely because we respect that person's
other ideas or accomplishments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver
If there is any one secret of success,
it lies in the ability to get
the other person's point of view
and see things from that person's angle
as well as from your own.
- Henry Ford
The highest reward for a person's toil
is not what they get for it,
but what they become by it.
- John Ruskin
When you find peace within yourself,
you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others.
- Peace Pilgrim
What is necessary to change a person is
to change his awareness of himself.
- Abraham Maslow
A person without a sense of humor
is like a wagon without springs.
It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
- Henry Ward Beecher
Books are the greatest gift one person can give another.
- Bono
Every time you smile at someone,
it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
- Mother Teresa
It is more dangerous that even
a guilty person should be punished
without the forms of law
than that he should escape.
- Thomas Jefferson
If you don't take full responsibility
for your own happiness,
who do you suppose will?
Your happiness is a one person job -
it begins and ends with you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain
Difficulties are things that show a person what he is.
- Epictetus
Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank
To educate a person in mind and not in morals
is to educate a menace to society.
- Theodore Roosevelt
Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy
than to imprison a person
or keep him in prison because he is unpopular.
This is really the test of civilization.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.