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Let these funny Jean Anouilh Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.