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George Phillips Bond Quotes
Funny Quotes by George Phillips Bond

Let these funny George Phillips Bond Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

I had planned to accomplish something considerable,
and this is the end.
- George Phillips Bond

Madam: If you discover any more comets,
can you not wait until they are announced by the proper authorities?
- George Phillips Bond

Until very recently, the heavenly bodies have been
investigated only with reference to their position
and their laws of motion,
and a quarter of a century ago astronomy was little
more than celestial topography.
- George Phillips Bond

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner


 

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes,
I had one thousand and sixty.
- Imelda Marcos

My Father had a profound influence on me.
He was a lunatic.
- Spike Milligan


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I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
- Paul Lynde

My uncle Sammy was an angry man.
He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

Brought up to respect the conventions,
love had to end in marriage.
I'm afraid it did.
- Bette Davis

I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard PHOTO

Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I am certainly not an authority on love because there
are no authorities on love,
just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
- Bill Cosby

You know the only people who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby

In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

Civilization had too many rules for me,
so I did my best to rewrite them.
- Bill Cosby

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

Everyone who got where he is,
had to begin where he was.
- Richard L. Evans

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words,
and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.
- Winston Churchill

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant.
If we did not sometimes taste of adversity,
prosperity would not be so welcome.
- Anne Bradstreet PHOTO

I leave no trace of wings in the air,
but I am glad I have had my flight.
- Rabindranath Tagore

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau

A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

If I had no sense of humor,
I would long ago have committed suicide.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser

The soul would have no rainbow,
Had the eyes no tears.
- John Vance Cheney

No one ever said on their deathbed, 'Gee,
I wish I had spent more time alone with my computer'.
- Danielle Berry

When we quarrel, how we wish we had been blameless.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

September 11th was a moment when America had the sympathy of the world.
- Tom Ford

Another day, another dollar, another war, another tower
Went up where the homeless had their home.
- Jewel

Do you know that other than my father,
I've never had a man take care of me?
- Dionne Warwick

Some people wanted champagne and caviar
when they should have had beer and hot dogs.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau

If we had paid no more attention to our plants than we have to our children,
we would now be living in a jungle of weed.
- Luther Burbank

I grew up in a house where nobody had to tell me to
go to school every day and do my homework.
- Constance Baker Motley

An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
- Don Marquis

My mother worked in factories, worked as a domestic,
worked in a restaurant, always had a second job.
- Ed Bradley

I basically became a cheerleader because I had a very strict mom.
That was my way of being a bad girl.
- Sandra Bullock

How many things there are concerning which we might
well deliberate whether we had better know them.
- Henry David Thoreau

I never had a speech from my father 'this is what you
must do or shouldn't do' but I just learned to be led by example.
My father wasn't perfect.
- Adam Sandler

If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal
giver of life would be my god.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

I found I could say things with color and shapes that
I couldn't say any other way -
things I had no words for.
- Georgia O'Keeffe

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis,
and I said compared to who?
- Jay London

The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it,
can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing
else in the universe to do.
- Galileo Galilei

Essentially all suffering is the result of...
1. Comparing what we have (or don't have) today
... with what we had yesterday.
2. Comparing what we fear we might have (or not have) tomorrow)
... with what we have today.
3. Comparing what we have (or don't have) with what others have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.
- William James

Teaching was the hardest work I had ever done,
and it remains the hardest work I have done to date.
- Ann Richards

If i had known... i would have lingered
over my coffee a little longer.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If I had no family, my wife and I would lead a much
more romantic and nomadic existence.
- David McCallum

Most of the things worth doing in the world had been
declared impossible before they were done.
- Louis D. Brandeis

Growing up, my dolls were doctors and on secret missions.
I had Barbie Goes Rambo.
- Zoe Saldana

Think where mans glory most begins and ends,
and say my glory was I had such friends.
- William Butler Yeats

If I had learned education I would not have had time to learn anything else.
- Cornelius Vanderbilt

The bungalow had more to do with how Americans live
today than any other building that has gone remotely
by the name of architecture in our history.
- Russell Lynes

It's a huge change for your body.
You don't even want to look in the mirror after you've had a baby,
because your stomach is just hanging there like a Shar-Pei.
- Cindy Crawford


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.