Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

George P. Shultz Quotes
Funny Quotes by George P. Shultz

Let these funny George P. Shultz Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

You've got to dream a little bit if you're going to get somewhere.
- George P. Shultz

Oh, you know.
I am secretary of state.
My trips aren't successful.
I just talk to people.
- George P. Shultz

It was an attempt to stick the Congress's finger in King Hussein's eye.
- George P. Shultz

The higher the classification of secrecy,
the quicker you will report it.
- George P. Shultz


 

I learned in business that you had to be very careful
when you told somebody that's working for you to do something,
because the chances were very high he'd do it.
In government, you don't have to worry about that.
- George P. Shultz

Nothing ever gets settled in this town.
a seething debating society in which the debate never stops,
in which people never give up, including me.
And so that's the atmosphere in which you administer.
- George P. Shultz

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain PHOTO


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill PHOTO

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed) PHOTO

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
- Joe E. Lewis

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Phyllis Diller

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose yours.
- Ronald Reagan

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you
hear but forgetting where you heard it.
- Laurence J. Peter

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
- Alanis Morissette

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Any girl can be glamorous.
All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch
too many of them together.
- Josh Billings

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
- Steven Wright

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

My uncle Sammy was an angry man.
He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb
cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- Dave Barry

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
- Robert Byrne

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender,
but you don't have a top for it.
- Jerry Seinfeld

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you;
she is after your barn.
- Hesiod

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck


Thank you for visiting: George P. Shultz Quotes - Funny Quotes by George P. Shultz.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.