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George Cukor Quotes
Funny Quotes by George Cukor

Let these funny George Cukor Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

You can't have any successes unless you can accept failure.
- George Cukor

If she was a victim of any kind, she was a victim of her friends.
- George Cukor

It is reassuring for people to feel they have a boss,
someone who knows the answers and has charted the course.
- George Cukor

Unless the story line carries the scenes,
the scenes don't really mean anything.
- George Cukor


 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain PHOTO


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Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill PHOTO

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed) PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
- Milton Berle

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
- Robert Byrne

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender,
but you don't have a top for it.
- Jerry Seinfeld

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
- Steven Wright

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you
hear but forgetting where you heard it.
- Laurence J. Peter

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as
you're insightful about it.
- Dennis Miller

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you;
she is after your barn.
- Hesiod

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
- Joe E. Lewis

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
- Bill Cosby

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Phyllis Diller

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

California is a fine place to live -
if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred Allen

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Any girl can be glamorous.
All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose yours.
- Ronald Reagan

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
- Alanis Morissette

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

My uncle Sammy was an angry man.
He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
- Brooke Shields

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.