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George Ade Quotes
Funny Quotes by George Ade

Let these funny George Ade Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.
- George Ade

The time to enjoy a European trip is about three weeks after unpacking.
- George Ade

A good folly is worth what you pay for it.
- George Ade

Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.
- George Ade


 

She was short on intellect, but long on shape.
- George Ade

A man never feels more important than when he receives
a telegram containing more than ten words.
- George Ade

Only the more rugged mortals should attempt to keep
up with current literature.
- George Ade


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Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.
- George Ade

One man's poison Ivy is another man's spinach.
- George Ade

In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic;
in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.
- George Ade

Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for anyone
who wishes to become acquainted with our most prominent and influential people.
- George Ade

Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.
- George Ade

To insure peace of mind ignore the rules and regulations.
- George Ade

After being Turned Down by numerous Publishers,
he had decided to write for Posterity.
- George Ade

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.
- George Ade

For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver.
- George Ade

It is not time for mirth and laughter,
the cold, gray dawn of the morning after.
- George Ade

I was born in very sorry circumstances.
Both of my parents were very sorry.
- Norman Wisdom

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres

There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.
- Howard Nemerov

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath
toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Joan Rivers

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what
you were worrying about one year ago today.
- E. Joseph Cossman

It is an interesting question how far men
would retain their relative rank
if they were divested of their clothes.
- Henry David Thoreau

What If Every Day Were Your Day -
Celebrate Whimsey Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be;
and if it were so, it would be;
but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.
- Lewis Carroll

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -
a practice which is still continued.
- Helen Rowland

My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy

People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow

Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon

If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Some years ago I became president of Columbia University
and learned within 24 hours to be ready
to speak at the drop of a hat,
and I learned something more, the trustees were expected
to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does
not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton,
they laughed at the Wright brothers.
But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
- Carl Sagan

If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back
and realize they were the big things.
- Robert Brault

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

Act as if it were impossible to fail.
- Dorthea Brande

I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller

Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel

If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap
whence everyone must take an equal portion,
most people would be contented to take their own and depart.
- Socrates

We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller

Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw

I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo

I won't miss you.
I will miss who I thought you were.
- Anonymous

The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

The word "happiness" would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
- Carl Jung

If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda

There's no tragedy in life like the death of a child.
Things never get back to the way they were.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Half of everything you were ever taught is wrong;
the question is which half.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Follow your bliss and doors will open
where there were no doors before.
- Joseph Campbell

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were.
But without it we go nowhere.
- Carl Sagan

John Dalton's records, carefully preserved for a century,
were destroyed during the World War II bombing of Manchester.
It is not only the living who are killed in war.
- Isaac Asimov

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
Live your life so that when you die,
the world cries and you rejoice.
- Indian Proverb

I regret not having had more time with my kids when they were growing up.
- Tina Turner

I wouldn't hunt a person down for food.
But if he were already dead.
- Yasmine Bleeth

In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were
only there for the beer -
the wealth,
prestige and grandeur that went with the power.
- A. J. P. Taylor


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.