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Geoff Davis Quotes
Funny Quotes by Geoff Davis

Let these funny Geoff Davis Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Two million dollars is only small when you're talking about Washington,
D.C.
- Geoff Davis

What I want to do is create more taxpayers,
not more taxes.
- Geoff Davis

Our all-volunteer force continues to prove itself with
a great level of professionalism,
personal commitment and a technical competence that is quite remarkable.
- Geoff Davis

I'm very confident that the solutions that we are developing
are going to be effective not only in application in Iraq,
but also will be very helpful for potential homeland
security situations as well.
- Geoff Davis


 

You know that I am living proof that the American Dream is real.
Growing up, our congressman cut through government
bureaucratic red tape to help my mom buy our first house.
That's the kind of congressman I'll be.
- Geoff Davis

This campaign was special because we always kept the
challenger mentality we had from the start.
We managed to keep the against-all-odds,
can-do spirit that kept us going when no one thought we could win.
- Geoff Davis

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death


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There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender,
but you don't have a top for it.
- Jerry Seinfeld

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
- Laurence J. Peter

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices:
take it or leave it.
- Buddy Hackett

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- Mae West

The reason there are two senators for each state is
so that one can be the designated driver.
- Jay Leno

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
- Margaret Mead

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller PHOTO

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

I am proud to be an American.
Because an American can eat anything on the face of
this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
- Bill Cosby

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of
you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns,
then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
- Bill Cosby

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational
act that two people in love can commit.
- Bill Cosby

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George

Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
- Khalil Gibran

Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am two with nature.
- Woody Allen

A wise man hears one word and understands two.
- Yiddish Proverb

Of life's two chief prizes, beauty and truth,
I found the first in a loving heart and the second in a laborer's hand.
- Khalil Gibran

In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.
- Erich Fromm

What the public expects and what is healthy for an
individual are two very different things.
- Esther Williams

The two most important things in life are good friends and a strong bullpen.
- Bob Lemon

After you're older, two things are possibly more important than any others:
health and money.
- Helen Gurley Brown

The minute anyone's getting anxious I say,
You must eat and you must sleep.
They're the two vital elements for a healthy life.
- Francesca Annis

The business of peace requires more than showing up with paint brushes,
foodstuffs and an oil pipeline or two.
- Tony Snow

What is design? It's where you stand with a foot in two worlds -
the world of technology and the world of people and human purposes -
and you try to bring the two together.
- Mitchell Kapor

The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung

If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela

You can map your life through your favorite movies,
and no two people's maps will be the same.
- Mary Schmich

The only thing that I'd rather own than Windows is English,
because then I could charge you two hundred and forty-nine
dollars for the right to speak it.
- Scott McNealy

Music fills the infinite between two souls.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and
touch and greet each other.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

As a rock star, I have two instincts,
I want to have fun, and I want to change the world.
I have a chance to do both.
- Bono

Each memorable verse of a true poet has two or three
times the written content.
- Alfred de Musset

At the beginning and at the end of love,
the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.
- Jean de la Bruyere

People sort themselves into groups
of happy people and unhappy people
through two different, but complementary mechanisms,
influence and affinity.
I influence those around me
with my emotional state, either happy or unhappy.
At the same time, I feel an affinity
for others who are like me in some way -
in this case by sharing my emotional outlook on life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible -
cowards and fools.
- Russell Baker

Since I travel so much, it's always great to be home.
There's nothing like getting to raid my own refrigerator at two in the morning.
- Amy Grant

If you want to read about love and marriage,
you've got to buy two separate books.
- Alan King


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.