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Gen. Quotes
Funny Quotes by Gen.

Let these funny Gen. Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

It is not helpful to have those kind of comments come
out when we've got troops in combat.
- Gen.
Richard Myers

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO


 

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO


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It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb
cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- Dave Barry

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
- Saint Augustine

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
- Paul Lynde

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

I'm not a real movie star.
I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
- Will Rogers

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.
- Naguib Mahfouz

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes,
I had one thousand and sixty.
- Imelda Marcos

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you;
she is after your barn.
- Hesiod

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Have enough sense to know, ahead of time,
when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
- Marilyn vos Savant

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
- Mitch Hedberg

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
- Calvin Coolidge

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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