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Gabriel Garcia Marquez Quotes
Funny Quotes by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Let these funny Gabriel Garcia Marquez Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Always remember that the most important thing in a
good marriage is not happiness,
but stability.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Ultimately, literature is nothing but carpentry.
With both you are working with reality,
a material just as hard as wood.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

What matters in life is not what happens to you but
what you remember and how you remember it.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez


 

It is not true that people stop pursuing dreams because they grow old,
they grow old because they stop pursuing dreams.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

No, not rich.
I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez


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Nobody deserves your tears, but whoever deserves them will not make you cry.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

If God hadn't rested on Sunday, He would have had time to finish the world.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of Him.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love,
and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

A person doesn't die when he should but when he can.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The interpretation of our reality through patterns not our own,
serves only to make us ever more unknown,
ever less free, ever more solitary.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Everything that goes into my mouth seems to make me fat,
everything that comes out of my mouth embarrasses me.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

He who awaits much can expect little.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

An early-rising man is a good spouse but a bad husband.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Fiction was invented the day Jonas arrived home and
told his wife that he was three days late because he
had been swallowed by a whale.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

The heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Necessity has the face of a dog.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

She discovered with great delight that one does not
love one's children just because they are one's children
but because of the friendship formed while raising them.
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a
man is when he is a baby.
- Natalie Wood

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that
he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
- Robert Byrne

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms
of a woman without also falling into her hands.
- Jerry Lewis

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

One man's folly is another man's wife.
- Helen Rowland

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- Jim Carrey

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

My uncle Sammy was an angry man.
He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde


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