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Let these funny Frank Crane Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
What is a friend? I will tell you ...
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
- Frank Crane
You may be deceived if you trust too much,
but you will live in torment
if you don't trust enough.
- Frank Crane
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson 
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou
The walls we build around us to
keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous
The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which
it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.
- Thomas Jefferson
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau
The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I never found a companion that was
so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.
- Elisabeth Foley
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau
The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez
If I mayn't tell you what I feel,
what is the use of a friend?
- William Makepeace Thackeray
A true friend is a rock upon whom you can depend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A friend is someone who understands my past,
believes in my future,
and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous
A friend or co-worker shares a political,
religious, economic, or social opinion
that is opposite to yours -
does that drive a wedge between your hearts?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.
- William Shakespeare
There is danger that we lose sight of
what our friend is absolutely,
while considering what she is to us alone.
- Henry David Thoreau
Throw your dreams into space like a kite,
and you do not know what it will bring back,
a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.
- Anais Nin
You are my friend when you can guard my failure,
challenge my thought and celebrate my success.
- Anonymous
If you wish to succeed in life,
make perseverance your bosom friend,
experience your wise counselor,
caution your elder brother,
and hope your guardian genius.
- Joseph Addison
A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10
A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,
nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one
when he discovers that someone else believes in him
and is willing to trust him with his friendship.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering
It takes a long time to grow an old friend.
- John Leonard
Your friend is the man who knows all about you,
and still likes you.
- Elbert Hubbard
Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend,
but it requires a very fine nature
to sympathize with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde
Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.
- Albert Camus
So long as we are loved by others,
I would almost say that we are indispensable;
and no man is useless while he has a friend.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran
The best friend is the man who in wishing me well
wishes it for my sake.
- Anonymous
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
- Jerome Cummings
If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship,
we must love our friend for their sakes
rather than for our own.
- Charlotte Bronte
We can never replace a friend.
When a man is fortunate enough to have several,
he finds they are all different.
No one has a double in friendship.
- Johann Schiller
This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon
The best way to destroy an enemy
is to make him a friend.
- Abraham Lincoln
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides
Life without a friend is like death without a witness.
- Spanish proverb
Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn
A friend to all is a friend to none.
- Aristotle
A friend knows the song in my heart
and sings it to me when my memory fails.
- Donna Roberts
An insincere and evil friend is more
to be feared than a wild beast;
a wild beast may wound your body,
but an evil friend will wound your mind.
- The Buddha
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.