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Let these funny Forrest Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Stupid is as stupid does.
- the movie Forrest Gump (1994)
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
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I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of,
he always declares that it's his duty.
- George Bernard Shaw
A man must be both stupid and uncharitable
who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side.
- Joseph Addison
Love is being stupid together.
- Paul Valery
Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge,
but he who hates correction is stupid.
- Anonymous
If you want to improve,
be content to be thought foolish and stupid.
- Epictetus
An instructed and intelligent people
are always more decent and orderly
than an ignorant and stupid one.
- Adam Smith
If you ask a stupid question, you may feel stupid;
if you don't ask a stupid question, you remain stupid.
- Tony Rothman
Love interrupts, if you like,
the consequences of your actions,
which in my case is very good news indeed,
because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.
- Bono
It is one of the blessings of old friends
that you can afford to be stupid with them.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
The walls we build around us to
keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou
The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez
The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which
it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.
- Thomas Jefferson
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
I never found a companion that was
so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau
The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau
The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.
- Elisabeth Foley
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus
The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau
A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln
Everyone has a "best friend" during each stage of life,
but only a precious few have the same one.
- Anonymous
Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
- Anais Nin
Lord, grant comfort, joy and health
to those I call friend,
to those I call enemy,
and to those I have cursed by my indifference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A friend knows the song in my heart
and sings it to me when my memory fails.
- Donna Roberts
A best friend is like a four leaf clover,
hard to find and lucky to have.
- Anonymous
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides
The best mirror is an old friend.
- Proverb
Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.
- Henry David Thoreau
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran
The best way to destroy an enemy
is to make him a friend.
- Abraham Lincoln
A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.